Pondering « Reflection

Pondering. Thinking. Dwelling. Reminisce. Recall. Recollect. So many words to describe just one action. But to what avail do we limit a description of something? We don't. There is no limit to anything if you think about it. Limitless can describe anything at all. Nothing at all can hold you back with anything. Your options are open. There may be obstacles in your way of getting where you want to go but you can get there. Not to sure what all can hold anyone back if they are determined enough to get something. It may seem like a lost cause at times, but it's just another obstacle trying to deter you from your goal.

I was sitting here reflecting on what happened in February and early March. I did go through hell. I was run through the ringer with people whom I thought I could trust. People whom I thought wouldn't do what they did. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was a bit lost. I was hurting because this was family that was stabbing me in the back repeatedly. It was one after another and I didn't know if it was going to end. I am now doing so much better. Reflecting on the events, I was down and was repeatedly kicked until I couldn't move anymore. All the hurt I went through and still go through. It isn't easy but I'm working through it no less. I am trying and things and I'm getting on my feet again.

Sitting here meditating on what happened, trying to see where I went wrong, reviewing the plays of the game. Trying to come up with the places where I went wrong, where I went astray, things I might have missed or over looked. Thinking if I could have done something different. In doing so, I won't ever find peace. I will just stir up other issues and things I've missed. It won't do me any good to sit and think about it. Moving on and cutting out that part of my life will do me so much better. Reminiscing on past events isn't going to do me any good. I'm looking at the positive.

I am back home now. I have family. I have friends here. This is home. I am happy to be home. Since I've been home, I've been able to visit family that I haven't seen in a few years. I am able to go out and show munchkin things and share with her what I've missed. I got to show her where I grew up. I showed her where I use to go to school. I showed her the town I use to live in and a little of the surrounding area. Yes she is to young to understand but she was smiling and laughing on our drive. I was able to spend time with my Dad and he was able to spend time with his grand daughter. Something I really enjoy each time we are able to visit. Something I want to keep doing.

I am back to work. I enjoy my work. I have had fun everyday that I've been to work. I enjoy working at night and doing what I do. I am happier here. I am happier all around. Yes I have had my moments where I've been sad and upset about something, but overall, I'm doing so much better. I've cut out a part of my life that was very hurtful and don't plan on reconnecting with it. I'm sorry I don't see the point in keeping something that is so hurtful. Why should I keep something that will just hurt me over and over again? It does you no good. Think of all the pros and cons to that situation. Keep something around that just hurts you instead of helps you just brings you down, your mood especially. Cutting out that little slice that's broken and hurtful keeps you down and depressed.

Cut out that little piece that's hurtful. Break off the bad part of the cookie. Toss out that piece of cake that's going to make you sick. There is no need to keep it around. No need to look at it any longer. Just empty out that lunch pail and move on. No need to carry something around that just makes you sick or annoys you. You shouldn't have to deal with something that is an eye sore at all either. Clean out the lunch pail, your backpack, your purse, your wallet, your car even. Get rid of those things weighing you down and making you unhappy. Once you get rid of everything that's weighing you down and making you unhappy, you'll feel so much better. I know I am.