Bunky Poetics « tangentialme

I have developed most of the important/important to me relationships in life around poetry, somehow. Organizing informal poetical groupings, group efforts, and, of course, working to spread the gospel of the haiku as a perfect form of expression.

So it is not unusual, of course, for me to admit that once I'd met Bunky, and fully and over-my-head fell for Bunky, I introduced poetry in the mix. (My poor excuse for a mating dance, I suppose.) As Bunky and I became more infatuated with each other in that first year — the late late nights, the trips out of state to visit HoJo's, me, because I was deep in love and her, well, she may or may not have had some affection for me, whidh she did finally "admit" after messing with my head for a decade. (It also must be said here, though, that any actual affection for me aside, the TONS Of TIME WITHME was mainly about trying to make The Mayor jealous. Thing is: that ain't never happenin'. The Mayor is FAR TOO Hippy Dippy to be jealous and plus, let's be honest, knowing The Mayor's own prclivities, she was always happy to see and more than that, encourage new admirers for Bunky.)

Oops. I digress. Just like tangential me.

You can see how naive little, haiku-scribbling ME was WAY THE FUCK IN OVER MY HEAD HERE, right?

Anyway. The end came. And in perhaps her last effort written about me (at least one of the last I ever saw, ) Bunky sent this along.

This arrived just as it was becoming clear that all efforts and promises and hope to the contrary, I was being dismissed. Banished. Cast out. No longer in the family. All done. And this meant too, of course — a fact not at all loss on Poet Bunky — that I was being cast out not just to suddenly make my way in a now lonely, familyless world, but I was being CAST OUT TO DIE ALONE.

So here, then, Bunky's poem:

Let's agree that
You have loved and been loved
lost and taken happiness

many have traveled a similar road
forced to take a new path
initially alone and then with new companions

most have survived the detour
some have preferred it.

Not a bade effort, really. Gentle, could even be seen as almost kindly. EXCEPT when you happen to know the context. That context being that I was being forced to take a new path not just away from a friend. Not even two friends. No — I was being forced to take a new path away from my two best, closest, friends in the universe — two who I was unabashedly in love with. Two who were not just friends but family — family to me, who had none of my own. Two who also welcomed me into their real families — their kids (I taught them haikus, too); their parents; their siblings. I was one of them. And Bunky and The Mayor KNEW, KNEW how vital to me ALL OF THIS WAS.

And then the second part, where I am directed to find new companions and heck, with hindsight, I might eventually look back on this and see it all happened as it was supposed to.

And that second part would be swell, and hell, maybe even feasible, had she not left verse THREE out of the poem — the verse that talks about how "Yes, The Mayor and I KNOW you are going to die and now, despite all of the things we led you to expect, despite all the promises, you are not only going to die painfully and young, but you are going to die painfully young and ALONE. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN."

Sorry Bunky — I know poets. Hell, I know people. Ain't nobody would have preferred this particular fucking detour.

But as long as makes Bunky feel powerful…because as I've said before, Power is about all she has. There is no peace. There will be none. And she has made it super-duper clear she will not pursue peace (or even…grace…) with me, for the little bit of time I remain.