Life is confusing. I know what I need to do but I just can't seem to do it. I'm deluding myself and it's going to get me into trouble. I'm embarrassed by how I'm acting, but I just can't stop and part of me loves the results. I would like to say I'm scared, but I'm not. I seem myself getting worse, the number on the scale going down and it brings pleasure, not fear. I know I can't do this much longer. I KNOW I need to stop. But how? I keep telling myself that tomorrow I won't do it, tomorrow I will not purge and not lose weight. But tomorrow keeps getting pushed off.
I feel weak, but I also feel so strong.
I love calculating my bmi and seeing the " very underweight, consult a medical professional" pop up. I love typing my weight into my tracker app and looking at the graph.
Wow thats awful.
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