I just read your blog entry on your reflection of your grandma's passing. I know it's really sad, and I really hope you can get better and quickly get through this.
It's apparently sad to accept this loss. I know the 5 stages of accepting a leaving of life: 1. Denial 2. Bargain 3. Anger 4. Depression 5. Acceptance. I'm not sure about which stage you're on, but hopefully you can take this loss as a way to pray for her kindness.
People usually are regretful about what they didn't do in the past, we both know it's no point any more. I don't know how to express myself. My grandparents (father's side) died when I was only 2 years old, I even don't know what they looked like, the only thing I learnt comes from the single picture noir. As for my mother's side, I'm quite lucky to be spoiled by my grandpa and grandma, they had serious diseases several years ago, and what they had was sequelae, neither of could move as quickly as they wish. I know I was and am so lucky to have two oldies in my life, I learn what love is. Frankly speaking, I've got a piece of place inside my heart, in which has my worries and concerns. I am a Buddhist, right, I could learn to have a powerful mind, but I'm still learning to be. I'm afraid I would show my weakness when my grandparents passed away.
I don't know what kind of struggle happened or happening in your mind, but I'm pretty sure that it's torturing. I sincerely hope we can learn something from the loss. We were failed to see them often because we had so many unavoidable reasons and excuses, a slip of the time, they would gone away, forever. I personally assume that a powerful mind could help me with the understanding of love and death. Similar to the customs in your hometown, I think the funeral should be in a way of positiveness, only based on we had enough caring. Like you wrote in the blog, some people comforted you family members, saying "the funeral is not to be so sad, grandma has so many children and grandchildren", it doesn't make any sense for me if all the children and grandchildren were thousands miles away from her.
The old are lonely, quite lonely than we thought. I don't think we gave them enough attention and companion. Since your mother is kind of believer, she may have life principles on this. One more thing I wan to say, when the old passed, we need to focus more on our own family, although we're sad, the passed ones are not our parents, so our parents are undergoing stronger and more sadness than we had, save our time and be with our parents, comfort them and cherish the time we can spend with them.
The old are passed, but only if we live happily with respect and gratitude can they have a better samsara life in the future. Seven, she's watching upon you, every little thing, she has her best wish for you. Please be strong and pray for her up in the air at the Heaven.
Sakaymuni bless us all.
William S
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